Scanning the Horizon For Black Ink

Dear Diary,

I think we might be doing too much laundry. It seems it’s all I do. Of course, this is one of the first times in my life that I’ve done multiple loads of laundry in a row, so that may have something to do with it. Maybe we’re wearing too many clothes. And then there’s the dishwasher. Its hunger knows no bounds. Forever gorging and disgorging flatware and china.

Everything is mixed up. I went to a new gas station. Who knew that gasbuddy could point out a station right under my nose, even closer than the habitual haunt, with cheaper gas. In fact, looking at some old receipts I was appalled, simply appalled at the price I’ve been paying for gas.

But this Saturday, intoxicated by the sheer madness of a mid-day gas purchase, I forgot the receipt, so my number crunching will have to wait another day. My number-cruncher alter-ego is seething with anticipation. We bought the gas at high noon. It was about 83 degrees Farenheit. Twenty full degrees warmer than the usual Saturday run. So it was, perhaps, high volume gas. How will I ever sort it out the cost-benefit analysis?

What strange ways I’ve taken up. Pulling plugs out of sockets without a thought. Driving 55 m.p.h. (but trying not to piss people off, if possible). Being very aware of when I can coast down a hill. Noticing with no small amount of smugness the other drivers ludicrously weaving in and out, spilling their precious fuel — and then arriving at the light at the same time as I do. Thinking very seriously about whether we are laundering too much.

Have I studied a whit for the EPPP, the national licensing exam for psychologists? No. Not of late. I have drifted into a fringe subculture of frugality, blogging, and plug pulling. Does this mean that I am figuratively “pulling the plug”? One wonders.

I wonder if there is a parody of personal finance sites out there. There must be, no. Maybe an Onion piece? This drifting into the trees, losing sight of the forest. I have lost sight of the budget. Just for a few days, but it nags at me. The budget. There’s where the goodies are. Not this niggling penny pinching. The big plans, the straight and narrow, the total control — the end of debt. How far off is it? When shall we strike it? Like a sailor up the rigging, looking for land, I scan the horizon for black ink. Thirsty.

Debt-o-Meter Updated: 13.877%

I just updated our debt and emergency fund watch numbers. The good news is that we’ve continued to make some progress on our debt. The bad news is that our cash flow hasn’t been flowing in the right direction and we had to transfer some funds from our savings to our checking to cover expenses until I get paid at the end of the month.

So, how did we get off track? I attribute this to having to buy year-end gifts for teachers and having to increase our childcare costs over the summer. A twenty dollar bill here and there can make a difference on a budget without any fat. A 10 hour day with a $15/hr babysitter obliterates me.

I imagine we’ll have to dip into our emergency fund soon as we learn we have termites and we’ll need to tent. It’s going to hurt. Just when it feels like we’re making progress something else comes up. Anytime anyone goes under our house I cringe because of what they might find. Ignorance is bliss. But then again, that’s how we ended up in so much debt. So, the question is how can you be on top of things and still find your bliss? How can you be a realist on a mission w/out getting totally obsessive and discouraged? I’m hoping to find out…