Archive for the ‘regret’ Category

Pissing On American Express, or, Hot Air into Action

August 31, 2007

The hair that broke.
Oh, I meant pissing off. So sorry. Do I sound angry, bitter, resentful? I am and have been all those things, but the overriding mood is one of sweet, unalloyed triumph. As I mentioned early in August, American Express really pissed us off. I don’t know why. We should really not be so naive. They simply pulled the old bait and switch tactic, 0% followed by two late payments and then whack! 30%. Will we ever learn?! So I wrote of drastic measures. I even mentioned Thunderbirds.

Napalm for debt. Napalm for Chase. Napalm for Amex.
In any case, we converted some of this hot air into some active warfare. We liquidated an asset. We are sad about this. This was not part of the dream. But, as John Lennon sang, the dream is over, time to move on.

Recent payments, made August 3o:

United Mileage: $3207.32

Chase/ Amazon: $5999.24

American Express: $15,770.15

I am ecstatic that we have the resources to do this. Amazingly, we still have a couple grand of debt. But the bulk is paid off. I’m delighted that we didn’t take out a home loan thereby prolonging, and multiplying our debt for 30 years.

Not doing it again!
Now the trick is not getting back into a debt that even remotely resembles this morass. Since canceling credit cards hurts your credit rating we are pondering what do with the couple we won’t ever use again. I said never. Shame on me. Freezing them is not enough. How about preserving them in plexiglass? Or amber, maybe. Another idea is cutting them up and burying them in the back yard. Admittedly, these solutions are more based in poetic justice than any real contingency.

The morass.
This last bit about not doing it again is very serious. We still want to maintain a credit card for airline fares, that sort of thing. But we really need to get into a mindset where that card is literally frozen, is treated like a hand grenade, is kept under lock-and-key, sort of like a firearm that you wouldn’t want your kids to get their hands on. This will be the challenge. I’m hoping we’ll be more than up to it.

The addiction model — a little psychology.
I think debt is a little like addiction. It is, after all, largely a result of compulsive behavior. It creeps up on you. Little mindless impulse purchases, CDs, video rentals, trips to Vegas and then — kablooey — $20,000 in the hole. (I realize this scenario is not as common as some people would like us to believe, thus normalizing large debts. But it is fairly common, nevertheless.) So back to the addiction model. In Alcoholics Anonymous addiction is viewed as a disease. On a charitable day I view this as wrong-headed, perhaps even dangerous.

Biological determinism.
I am familiar with the brain science. Much of it is compelling. But I’m still not convinced that it fits the disease model. And as with much biological deterministic thinking there is the chicken-egg problem. What causes these mechanisms in the brain to activate? Another side to the disease model is that there is a high genetic component to alcoholism. This is undeniably true. But why is it that some become alcoholics and others don’t? What is the mechanism that activates the gene? My point is: We are not doomed to fulfill all the scenarios scripted in our genes. This makes for hopelessness and a willingness to shirk off responsibility.

Behavior.
In Marlatt’s relapse model relapse (in our case, think Doctor Debt shows up at the doorstep, “Damn, you again?”), relapse is viewed as inevitable. This is not fatalistic. It is just viewed as part of a process. Relapse is part of the process. It is not looked upon as being shameful. When it is viewed in this way, it is easier to pick oneself up and get back on track (hey, two cliches in a row!). You are not a failure! Your life is not over. You can be debt-free again. One does not have to return as a newbie and start all over again. Time and again I’ve heard from relapsed AA members that this can be a very shameful, even shaming experience. When relapse is a process it is treated matter-of-factly. And it is dealt with accordingly.

Making it official.
Once the transactions clear I’ll update our debt meter. But I want it to be all, like, official.

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Packing Lunch, Packing Mistakes

June 20, 2007

I was so bummed out yesterday when I realized that I’d forgotten my lunch. A little out of proportion. Must watch that. Perhaps that’s why I felt so sympathetic toward Basil yesterday, when I read about his double mistake disaster. His post title, by the way, is worth the visit alone.

Our secret blog world — we don’t discuss the blog with anyone, just we two and you — has been constrained by the arrival of a house guest. Also, ladydough’s father coming for dinner.

Honestly, I think one of my favorite things about the blog is having something that we share, but no family members read it (that we know of), no brick-and-mortar friends. It is an odd sensation, pleasant.

I was being annoying this morning and ladydough hinted that she might never post again if I don’t cut it out. Tail between my legs, I shuddered. Not that!

Addendum: zenhabits has a list of 73 debt reduction tips. He includes a link to a PBS documentary that I, living in the media-free bubble, hadn’t heard about. The link looks great. Click here!